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Survive the cartel
It is destroying my private life - at this pace I could be divorced by the end of the summer - after 9 years of marriage.
My husband doesnt believe a the global economic collapse and says that I need to see a shrink... please advice. :smokin: |
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She was actually telling people I was nuts until she asked her dad, which promptly said to her "I think that is not crazy at all, it is very wise to be prepping right now. Are you guys buying gold and silver too?" She hasnt given me a hard time since! Good luck BTW. |
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I have been sharing information slowly with people at work. People I have worked with 15 years. They are starting to get it. It is a fine line I am walking, but these are people I consider friends and if I can motivate them to prepare even a little it would be a win in my book.
We work at one of the largest commercial banks, and along with charts of the dollar decline, debt numbers, the IMF warnings, and watching one of the largest investment banks fail today, they are really starting to worry what will happen next. |
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If he loves you, he'll invest the time to listen.
A lack of appreciation is a very common thing, it just takes effort to keep things working. :dontknow: |
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So maybe you may have to compromise a bit on things you know in your heart are going to bite you in the butt in the future, but keeping your husband around might be more beneficial in the long run, just don't ever say "I told you so" to him when things go South in a big way. In the meantime, do what he'll agree to compromise on and try to control your temper in regards to his denial. JMO, I would play passive/agressive to save your marriage, your sanity, and perhaps salvage your future with your husband, probably more harm done by a divorce than by less preps. Not as functional a marriage as one would hope for (you can always turn it around later when you're both on the same page). Eventually as the economy and bad news continues to worsen and mount, and as you are keeping the pressure off of him (thinking it to yourself but not using him as a sounding board, use GIM as your sounding board) he may very well partially come around to your way of thinking, that would be a good start. Try to buy some time to keep the marriage going; try to keep the marriage together until he starts connecting the dots, but let him form his own conclusions. Don't let this ruin your marriage. It really doesn't have too. Sometime I think we scare people when we come on so strong. Be like the duck, quite outside, paddling like hell underneath...plan how you can put away preps. without him being overly alarmed (or covertly without negatively affecting the household budget). Ask him to indulge you on a few things that are just too important for you to let go of, and then likewise you are going to have to let him do some things from his persepctive as well. Now you know darn well some of his decisions are going to come back to haunt him, and you too! None of us have a crystal ball. But, again, isn't the marriage and your life-partner worth losing a little over to gain his trust and respect and loyalty later in the future when you are really really going to need him by your side? Lose a few battles, win the war. It took me a few years to get my husband as "concerned" about this economy as I was, sure, he was with me on a lot of it, and never criticized my hysterics (oh the sky is falling) but there were a few times when he said, ok honey, time to get off the computer :) And now he is more actively involved. He would listen to me before and didn't have a problem with me dragging him around to stockpile food/ammo, incurring no debts, paying off debt, totally with me on all this, he just didn't have the "urgency" about it that I felt (anxiety), or should I say he didn't feel the urgency, but thought what I was doing wasn't a bad idea. Now if I went hog-wild and said, let's sell the house and convert it all to PMs or something to that effect, he'd balk, big time, he's a little more conservative, but so am I, so I guess this all depends on how big of moves/changes you are asking out of him; but remember, he could be a really good ally of yours, friend, protector, etc. when TS really does HTF with or without preps you have each other. I'd let the dust settle for a few weeks and rethink how to go about maintaining a calm atmosphere at home and make him feel safe, he doesn't feel safe right now in his needs and neither do you; this may be what is causing the conflict. Again, I would strive for a healthy compromise even if I had to lose a few battles; don't lose your marriage/husband over this. You know he probably really does love you and value you and your contributions to the marriage, but he's probably just running scared and not quite sure what to do and aren't we all in that boat somewhat? Just my normal ramblings...:) Hey, go have a hot chocolate and baileys! |
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98% of the people here would qualify as "nuts". We forget that we see with open eyes while others are still blinded. My wife was totally not interested in dealing with it until a couple of years ago. Slowly as she would come home and complain about her job I got the chance to insert 'the truth'. Now she is onboard with most of my ideas, but I still have to be careful not to scare her. I'm lucky as I pretty much can make all the financial decisions without her input, though I usually do consult with her. The advantage of that is that I can react if I need to without waiting for her OK. (big responsibility on my shoulders as she does trust my judgment.)
My family is still not with it. I don't see my sister to often (every 2 months) but when I do I have to go real slow, and allow her to ask questions and lead her into a direction that I took many years ago. If you situation with your husband hasn't gone to far you might want to lighten up some and enjoy what brought you to together in the first place. Silverstone gave some good advice. It's is a little harder for us guys to give you a clear viewpoint of your situation. (the protector gene, ya know) In the end, only you can decide. Prayers for you two. Stay in touch. :wink: mayhem |
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My wife is onboard (at least she acts like she is...) but I don't know how to approach my parents, who are turning 80 and grew up during the Big D. They find it scary when I try to talk to them about it, they don't want to do it again. So to that extent I sympathize with you. I would like nothing better than to ask my dad for a few K and have a bunch of food shipped to their home to put in their basement, or even to pay for it myself, but it would totally freak them out. And they live in another state about 6 hours away, so it is not practical for me to keep it here.
He is your husband, after 9 years you might know a thing or two about how to reach him, what he will listen to and what he wont. We live in a hurricane area here, and I have always kept some small amount of preps for a week-long "absence of services" similar to hurricane Andrew in Florida some years ago. Food, water, and attitude. I bolstered it some during Y2K, and I have told the Mrs that I am treating this like "Y2K plus", that I "don't expect it" but see the possibility of some short term disruption of services if the monetary systems freezes up because of credit market conditions; please don't freak when the UPS guy starts delivering freeze dried food and you see me carrying in 5 gallon bottles of water, I haven't lost my mind, I am just getting back into my comfort zone, I would feel like a total idiot if something happened and I hadn't done anything. So far so good. If a Walton delivery of a ton of wheat berries and a grain mill showed up, that would be another matter entirely. We will cross that bridge when we come to it. |
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I am lucky in that my ladyfriend is completely onboard with me as far as GIM matters go, but I would say that you can lead a horse to water, but can't make him drink. If he thinks you're nuts and berates you for doing something completely logical, it might be best to look elsewhere. Of course it depends on how your discourse goes... if he is totally disrespecting you for it, that's a red flag, IMO. |
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See a shrink..... You might be able to help warn her/him, too :D Now that TSHHTF, sadly, a lot of marriages are going to be in trouble. Seriously, see a shrink. GIM cares. We need you to be solid in your private life so you can keep making the A+ contribution here. You are among the contributors I respect the most. |
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My husband thinks we're all mentally ill, too. I don't talk about stuff too much, just mention it once in a while. Well, in the last few years, all the things I've been saying are coming to pass, and he's starting to notice. He's also noticing that I'm picking up financial news before it hits the television or newspaper, sometimes days or weeks before. He's still not really buying into it all, but he's starting to ask for advice. He's even asked me what "your GIM people would suggest." Slowly but surely...
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Preparing for an event that hasn't happened and that 99.99% of folks doubt will OR, Your marriage You decide, and then go full force |
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Good luck sb |
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I can't give you advice on this, but I wish you all the best.
May it all turn out the best for YOU. |
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My wife thinks I'm a little nuts, too, but she has been seeing the things I talk about starting to come to pass, such as the housing bubble, rising gold, silver, oil, etc. She now acknowledges that I have been right in everything I have told her so far.
Not that she still doesn't think I'm nuts. My copy of "Rawles on Retreats and Relocation" arrived in the mail yesterday. "WHAT'S THIS!" she exclaimed loudly. "Oh my god, you're planning on moving us to the middle of nowhere, aren't you?" She has openly said to me that she doesn't want to believe what is happening, she just wants everything to be normal and OK, she wants to do what she wants to do, buy what she wants to buy, and not have to think about "the end of the world". I have told her that I cannot be willfully ignorant about the reality of what is happening around us, and that I would rather be prepared, and not need it, than be unprepared, and need it. Do you have children at home? That certainly makes things more complicated in a relationship. If not, it makes it easier if a break-up becomes inevitable. I have a hard time understanding how people can ignore reality. When even the MSM is starting to talk about a possible dollar collapse, WTF? Although she doesn't want to believe the reality of what's going on around us, I know that she believes what I tell her. Also, her own family, a fairly anti-government bunch, did some pretty creative stuff to survive the Great Depression. I sometimes wonder about what I would have done differently regarding the choices I have made in my life, including my choice of a mate, if I had known about the things I know now, 18 years ago, when we first got together. I probably would be with someone more like Sarah Conner (Terminator movies) right now! Oh well... Best wishes, I hope you find a solution that is not too painful. |
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blame game ends discussion |
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yeah, how life will be like at home after he will have lost all his 401k, which I asked him to close. Thats the dilemma. |
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Best |
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here is an example: yesterday he heard that real estate prices were up 5% in NYC... so his logic is the following: bailing out Bear Stearns and Co is a sign of market confidence... painful for the ears, as you can guess |
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Best |
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Most of the people I see in my private life don't get it either. Really sad! |
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Thanks for your encouragement - I am not depressed though... |
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Sorry to get in late on this, been on "vacation".....
My wife and I have been on board with a more self reliant style of living for 30 years now, so moving more in that direction isn't much of a stretch for her....although when I finally got around to doing an inventory after that last Walton order, I did have to admit "I" might even be a little nuts.....so I can't imagine having to try to convince an unbelieving spouse of what might be coming....I find it hard to believe myself when you walk down the isles of a Walmart or Sams and try to imagine "someday this whole place could be empty and the lights off"..... Another member here and I have been kicking around this week, and he has the same problem as you.....he is convinced bad things are in store for the future, he currently lives in a area that would be un-liveable, but his wife is not totally onboard with that....doesn't want to move from their area, and this is going to cause some conflict in the near term..... I don't know what to tell you.....presenting fact and such to a person can only go so far.....may in fact, make it worse, because KNOWING that the Titanic is going down and there are only so many lifeboats can really cause a person to want to deny reality..... This issue CAN be a big dividing point in people. If they are just your co-worker or neighbor, you can simply write them off, and decide not to confront the issue.....after all, you don't REALLY care about them that much, and don't have your life invested in what happens to them eventually.....no so with a family member, or more, with a spouse. SO it may come to splitting over this issue.....God knows, people split over a LOT LESS.......and you may have to accept that this is simply something that can't be overcome.....it will really depend on the foundation of love, trust and friendship you have, or have not built over the last 9 years. As it turns out, many people are simply married for convenience, sex, or whatever, and really DON'T have a good foundation.....and it comes to light when you hit major issues like this. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. I don't know you other than from your posts, but I feel like you are a pretty level headed person.....and keep in mind, as much of a pain as it would be to find, there are other level headed persons out there as well. Maybe you need to go shopping. |
Re: Survive the cartel
Forget the shrink...let him see one if he wants. All a shrink will do is dwindle your financial resources and project their world view onto you.
Your husband needs to give you some respect and have some trust in your judgment. I'm not saying that he should just go along with all of your ideas, but he should be willing to take some risks and let the picture paint itself. In reality, we all need several plans. We need a plan for financial success (job or business), we need a plan for personal development and growth (hobbies, sports, etc.), and we need a plan for a worsening global situation (war, economic decline, food shortages, etc.) If all of your energy goes to just one area, things can get out of kilt and make things hard for you and everyone around you. Pow-wow with you husband about what you can do to help him on the areas he is trying to cover...maybe he feels alone in his own mind about his efforts? If he feels your support in what he is trying to do, he is more likely to be open to your interest. It is not an all or nothing proposition. You have to give to get. |
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When registration is open again in April, sign up for a new ID for your hubby. Make it something masculine, like Superman, or Popeye. Then instead of printing out the next thread to talk with him about, try to get him to login and read the thread on the computer. Invite him to post a few short replies to easy threads. Then encourage him to either start a thread or to reply to a thread that deals with topics he does not agree with. That will be a time when GIM can be used to help educate him and persuade him about the validity of our concepts. Good luck! |
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Jaima had a similar problem with waking up her daughter.
My advise to you and her, is do what I did with my family tell them about it, but don't make it a big deal and push the issue. Make preps on your own and prepare for them. They will come around of their own accord as their fiat empire illusion comes crashing down. I thank my wife all the time that she is supportive in my preps. She values having someone protecting her and her children. Please don't let TPTB get between your marriage. Then they will have another win under their belt. Not everyone is ready to be unhooked from the matrix, but be there for them when they are. Lots of luck. P.S. If you do get divorced some secret gold coins will make it easier to start over again.:wink: |
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